


My Eyes On Your Eyes And My Hands On Your Hands

by CentreBullet



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: #BuckyNat Week, Angst and Feels, Breathplay, Choking, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fingerfucking, Memory Loss, Oral Sex, Past Violence, Recovery, magical healing fuck, no PIV, scar-kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-11 09:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10461537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CentreBullet/pseuds/CentreBullet
Summary: Sometimes it’s difficult to ask for what you want, but sometimes it’s worth trying. A single encounter in three parts.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for BuckyNat Week, autumn 2016, but never properly finished. Some angst bookended by porn in a quasi-recovery fic (NB: references to past attempts to kill or injure one another). Post-CACW, mostly MCU with hints of 616. Comments very welcome.

“Mm. Yes. There.”

His lips were already repeatedly kissing along the line of her labia, the slight hint of his stubble raising a soft fuzzy tingle in her extremities. They were closed-mouth, kisses which would have seemed quite chaste were she not naked from the waist down and already tilting her hips up into his face. She felt the tiniest nudge of the tip of his tongue against the very top of her slit, barely damp and very gentle as it slowly eased its way onto the hood of her clit and then down, carefully peeling her apart as if he were running a fingernail under the flap of an envelope, easing her open in a way which left her feeling subtly exposed. He brought the flat of his tongue back up to run the length of her cunt and flick up over her clit again, and this time it was wet, his breath hot on her, making her breathe out hard. His lips rested again her clit hood as his tongue circled it slowly, then faster, feeling it firm up under his pressure as a warm tingling ache started to spread from the base of her belly into the rest of her body. She tangled her fingers into the trailing strands of his hair and began to give it soft tugs, pulling his face more deeply into her cunt until she could feel his cheeks lightly abrading her thighs.

"Yessss.” She hissed gently as his lips nibbled over her lips and the hardening nub between them, faster and faster, until he pushed his tongue out to slurp her clit right into his mouth and suck it softly, pulsing in time with her heartbeat, pulling on it as his left thumb pressed at the base of her cunt. A white-hot needle of borderline-painful intensity stabbed sharply from her clit to her ass and radiated outward in warm waves undulating over her body. She gasped, shuddered, felt his mouth ripple against her as he groaned his response to her arousal. Her hips rolled forward and back in an increasing rhythm and she felt his body mirror it, as if they were dancing again; she wondered if he was also rocking his hips so as to give a painfully hard erection some much needed pressure while his hands were otherwise occupied, and her cunt tightened sharply, without warning, forcing her breath out of her mouth in a sharp huff.

His hands. His right thumb had continued to circle her entrance and press teasingly against the soft ring of muscle while two knuckles kept her lips spread open. As her movements increased, he responded to her contraction by slipping the knuckles away so a finger could push against her slippery opening, awaiting an opportune moment, as his busy tongue continued to flick her clit over and over, keeping its hardness pressed continually between his lips. She was suddenly deeply aware of just how fucking wet she was, of the dampness under her, and a tiny hateful part of her felt a momentary twinge of discomfort at this obvious evidence of her arousal, her enthusiastic response to his touch, his presence. She felt exposed in a way that was both risky and intensely desirable, and in that moment she wanted to be pushed down hard under his weight, a resource to be exploited, without the burden of thought. She tilted her hips up and pushed against the reaching finger, shouting out with relief as it slid easily inside her even though it was nowhere near enough. She pushed back again, moaning, and as the finger slid out she felt a second finger join it to thrust painfully slowly into her rippling hole. The fingers sped up their rhythm, in-out, in-out, stretching her til she felt a blissful burning ache everywhere between her legs twinned with the intense throbbing in her clit. A third finger joined them just as she gasped out “more” and she bit her bottom lip to keep from squealing. His middle finger curled up so the pad could rub against the rougher textured spot inside her, sandwiching her swollen clit between the two points of his attention and fuck but that was almost too much, the pins and needles were buzzing at the tips of her extremities and she could feel them starting to spread inward. She was hyper-aware of the wetness pooling below her and in the crack of her ass and momentarily wanted to beg him to use his left hand to fuck her there too but she couldn’t see or feel it, it was probably supporting him so he could keep moving his hips as he worked her over and the thought made her want to stop because it was too intense “don’t stop” her voice cracked on the words unbidden and she felt momentarily sick with the shock as he released her clit from between his lips to demand quietly but firmly “Come for me. Please.” then sucked it back into his warm wet hole of a mouth and it was no good, the ache in the pit of her stomach was met by a long slow flash of lightning behind her clenched eyelids as she arched back, screaming hoarsely, her whole body a single intense wave as her cunt gripped crushingly tight around the fingers still thrusting inside her a pain but a sweet pain until it wasn’t muscles shrieking it was too much and enough, she pulled her hips back as she shuddered from head to toe, her head tipping back in a silent open-mouthed cry as her fingers and toes clenched and unfurled. He must have read her response as he softly slowed the motion of his fingers down to a stillness, taking his mouth away and shifting up the length of her body to look down, the heel of his hand cupping her as his fingers remained, his slick face an invitation as he stared directly into her opening eyes like the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She reached up and pulled his mouth down to hers, fucking her tongue roughly into him to taste herself in his mouth and all over his sticky, slippery lips and chin, clenching herself tightly around his still fingers and then relaxing with a strong outward breath to release them. There was a momentary pang, a sense of being bereft, as they were gently removed to leave her aching and buzzing at once.

He brought the fingers to his mouth and gave a wicked grin as he sucked them, one by one, never taking his eyes off her. She grinned in response, poking the tip of her tongue between her lips and raising her eyebrows to look up at him, his fringe damp & matted to his forehead. He reached out with the same hand to tangle those wet fingers in her sweaty hair, pulling her head back to expose her neck to a series of light but hungry kisses and god she was going to reek of sex and the thought pleased her more than the kisses, she wanted to be as dirty as possible right then. She felt his thumb stroke the left side of her neck and shivered, wanting him to hold her more tightly in that moment. That thought faded as he pressed his mouth to her other ear.

“Hey.” Soft, husky, happy.

“Hey.” she responded, her voice low and close to cracking. Her throat throbbed from the impact of her sudden screech.

“You’re amazing.” Said with shocking sincerity.

“You were doing all the work there.” Light-hearted, smiling back at him so he could hear it in her voice. Wrapping her legs around his with sudden gentle ferocity. Leaning up against the length of his body so she could feel the pressure of his still rock-hard cock as a shock against her hip. “Maybe I should be returning the favour.”

He raised his head to look at her and his face was a picture of tender concern.

“I’m fine unless it’s something you want. It’s not a trade. You don’t have to do anything for me, I want you to do what you want for you. I don’t…I don’t want this to be another puzzle you unlock with the right move. I think you should get a break from that.”

How could he absolutely floor her with basic decency? She didn’t think her standards for men were so low. But the unexpected self-contained calm of his manner was in turn calming her. So rare, someone wanting her without wanting something from her. It felt like new ground.

“Well, that was clearly a break I needed.” She flopped back, exhaling over-dramatically, bouncing a little on the mattress but still keeping a hand on his side.

“Let me know if you do want anything more.”

Unbidden, her mind went straight back to his strong hand and his long, clever fingers, holding her, controlling her. She shook her head gently and pressed closer.

“I’ll think about it.”

He’d showered. She quirked her eyebrows at his return. He leaned in over her, his face so unguarded she felt adrift.

“Hey” he leant in and nudged her nose with his.

“You know, I never expected you’d be such a cutesy fuck.” Dampening the crackling sting of intimacy with a little gentle teasing.

“With my reputation?” he raised his eyebrows back at her. “Not that I’m sure what it is these days.”

“A dirty mouth.” she smirked.

“Well that one I have heard before.”

“A lot?”

“Oh, you know. I try to do my best.”

“This is the point where I compliment you, right?”

“Only if you want to.” His right hand was softly stroking a long line down the side of her body over and over, from under her arm to the bend of her knee. It was calming rather than stimulating but when he slipped his hand up to cover her shoulder, she shivered. Taking her cue, he tucked his head in to nuzzle and kiss up along her neck. She couldn’t help but give a shuddering moan, feeling a slight buzz around her ears, inside her head. This was her weak spot. Where she was vulnerable.

“About things I want.”

He paused, lips still against her jugular. “Go on.” The low rumble of the words quivered her skin.

“When I’m…really turned on, I’d like it if you’d touch my neck.”

“Like this?” Fingers stroked gently from her ear to her collarbone.

“No. Harder.” her voice dropped to a whisper. “Tighter.”

He pulled back sharply, staring at her. She hadn’t expected the cold shock on his face.

“You want me to choke you while I make you come.”  
  
“Well, it doesn’t sound so good when you put it like that.” She tried for a touch of laconic humour but it wasn’t working because he looked pale and had his right hand partly over his mouth, aiming for stoic reserve and failing badly. His left hand ran shakily through his hair, snagging a few loose strands as it passed. He sat suddenly, gracelessly on the bed, his unmoderated bulk an unwelcome, seasick counter-balance on the creaking springs. He spoke on his third attempt.

“Those…there are some… bad memories for me. The parts I even do remember.”

Oh shit. She’s really screwed this up. She turns to reach for him and drops back as she notes his body language, noli me tangere.

“Hey, it’s…ok. It’s not like that.” Except it is, maybe, because she has an unbidden sudden flash of his stone cold face as his ferocious left hand pinned her down flat, crushed her throat and she knew, KNEW she was going to die, adrenaline flooding her body as she struggled helplessly against that terrifying certainty. Shame washes over her without warning as if she’d been drenched with ice water, and she has maybe never been as disgusted with herself in her whole life as she is right now. She clears her throat shakily. “I trust you, alright? I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“But I _did,_ " and there’s so much pain in his voice. “I hurt you a lot. Over and over. I could have killed you. I nearly did. FUCK!”

His face dropped into his hands, his voice muffled, breathing hitched and heavy.

“Sometimes I don’t know how you can even bear to look at me.”

She felt sick then, thinking of how many times she said those same words in her own head as a man gazed at her with lust, love or admiration. Paid back for her wickedness. Their uncanny connection, their mirroring, sometimes felt choreographed, the narrative arc of a tailored tragedy.

She reached over to touch him but held off until she’d warned him with a whispered “hey”. Then she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and murmured “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She felt him jerk under her touch but he didn’t retreat.

“You haven’t done anything. It’s me.”

“You know that’s not true. Can you look at me?” He looked up, eyes wild and shining with unspilt tears. “At least tell me I gave as good as I got. I got a few licks in, right? Come on, my professional pride’s at stake here.” She tilted up the corner of her mouth, praying that her weak joke would ease him out of the downward spiral. He bit his lip. Yeah, he was definitely trying not to smile the tiniest bit. She knew how to do this.

“You nearly took my head off - twice - so I guess there’s that. And you kick like a mule. So.”

“So we’re even?” she nudged him gently with her knee.

“Not even close.” But his tone was calm again, not unemotional but nowhere near the hysterical edge it had so recently brushed up against. He exhaled heavily and sank back against her chest, letting her run a calming hand over his right bicep and press her right cheek to his left cheek. That he wasn’t pulling away from her touch seemed like a good sign. He drifted his right hand up to cover hers.

“Look,” she told him firmly, “the only differences between you and me on this are, one, nobody ever bothered teaching you how to deal with your outcomes, and two, I mostly don’t have to pal around with the people I’ve hurt, with, you know, a couple of exceptions, and believe me that’s far from easy some days. But don’t think I haven’t done at least as much harm because I have.

“I don’t know if you’ve really got things as under control as you seem to, but I wish I could even get that far.”

“This helps. Stuff like this.”

“I’m your therapy exercise? Well thaaaaanks I guess.”

“Will you just…stop? No. Fuck. I’m an officially evil person but I’m not quite that cold. I mean - talking about the, the hard things in a safe situation. With a safe person. Trying to find a way to work with it it when it’s complicated and…shameful.”

“I’m a safe person for you?” He sounded incredulous. She kissed the top of his head.

“We’ve really got to work on your self-esteem.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucked up and I don’t see how I can ever not be. I’m way too broken to be around other people.”

“You’re not broken. You’re…mildly sprained.”

He turned his face to hers, a wry, amused smile twisting his mouth up.

“Really now?”

“Yep. You got that one?”

He snorted. “Like I wouldn’t have, come on now. Guess I can still surprise you sometimes.”

“You surprise me every time I see you. Which could be more often, yeah.”

“You want that?” He fixed his eyes on hers, unwavering, trying to read her face for every shadow, every ghost of a hint.

“I do if you do.”

“Now you do sound like me.”

“That should tell you that we have a lot in common, and just maybe you’re ok, hmm.”

“Mm.” He moved closer so very slowly, softly pressing his lips to hers, then turning further to grasp behind her head and pull her into his lap. The kiss shifted from gentle to fierce as she responded strongly, pushing her tongue forcefully into his mouth as they both panted heavily. He ran his right hand down to her shoulder and slowly stroked his thumb down her neck from ear to collarbone. She shuddered hard against him, a slight fear that the intensity of her reaction would put him off but she was damned if she was going to keep pretending to be someone else in her most intimate moments. The thumb continued to press a firm trail up and down as his right hand was on the back of her neck, fingers curling gently round.

“Is this ok?”

She nodded “Mm but, you don’t need to, I don’t want you to do anything that’s going to hurt you.”

“Making you happy doesn’t hurt. It helps. If you’re ok just keeping to this side.” He nodded towards his right arm, still caressing her neck and shoulders.

“Anything that keeps you ok.” and she means it. He kissed his way around to the right side of her neck, lips nipping gently at the skin, grazing her lightly with his teeth, pausing for a moment as if struck by a notion. “Are we ridiculous?”

“Probably” she raised her hands to pull him closer “but I genuinely couldn’t care less right now.”

He slid the fingers of his right hand round to cup the front of her throat, still kissing up to the lobe of her ear.

“How’s that?”

“Fine. Better than fine. Safe.You?”

“It’s…also fine? Maybe that’s as much as I’m ok with. Today? I don’t know.”

“Baby steps”, she smiled, wriggling from side to side in encouragement as his mouth trailed lower onto her chest, chin scraping lightly over her collar bone and onto her sternum. His right hand remained around her neck, gently but firmly keeping her in place as his lips pulled sharply on her right nipple, making her hiss as she felt an elastic tug in the core of herself, as if that nipple was connected by fine chains to its partner, to her throat, her heart and stomach, clit, cunt, ass. He moved his head to bite lightly on her left nipple and she was both aroused and frustrated. He actually had two hands for goodness sake. But, baby steps. His mouth trailed to her belly and he kissed over the scar above her left hip with a slight, sad grunt. “I’m sorry.” he whispered at her navel, not raising his head. “Don’t be” she tried to whisper but it came out as a light groan “ancient history, you’re here now.” The scar tissue was still very sensitive, and the warm wet tip of his tongue over it made her head buzz and prickle. The hand at her throat was large, hot, not too firm but an effective barrier to looking down. It forced her to keep her head up, away from him, and she had an unbidden sudden flash of herself performing exercises, head pushed up in fourth arabesque. A weird sensation but right now, that memory was soft and fuzzy, it didn’t feel like the razor cut so many of her memories gave her. She realised that he had slowly worked his way from her scar to her navel to her mound, rubbing his nose against her as he paused before proceeding. He was still reaching up, thank goodness for his long arms and her short torso, and he tightened his grip a fraction, pushing against the edges of her shoulders instead of the base of her throat to force her slightly back into the mattress.

“How’s that?” His words hummed against her flesh, shivering her ever so slightly.

“Good.”

He moved his mouth against her lips, pushing them apart with his lips and tongue, teasing her open. His right hand was still caressing around her throat, holding her lightly but firmly. This time, he was direct, pushing his tongue firmly inside her so she moaned at the intrusion. It felt huge but indistinct, a hot wet hard-soft pressure both inside her and not. It was stimulating yet ultimately frustrating. She wanted to be fully open to him so he could take her without impediment. Her hands were lying useless at her sides, so she moved them down to part her slippery labia, holding herself open for the audience. He looked up at her, delighted.

“I can’t tell you how beautiful you are right now.” His voice was a whisper. He dropped his face back down, to proceed with the task at hand. The hot pressure of his hand against the base of her throat increased as he laved his tongue hard against her, the extended spread of her legs and labia pushing her already-still-sensitive clit out enough that it felt almost free and yet weighty, a tiny mirror of the turgid cock she fervently hoped he was pressing hard into the mattress right this moment, the thought of of his arousal over her sending a fresh wave of blood to her pinkening cheeks. The heat of her face intensified as she felt his hand hand tighten and increase its pressure ever so slightly against her carotid, the softest but clearest of threats. Lust was shaking her in its grip like an angry dog, and her her whole body shuddered in response, sparks of pleasure from her clit still needling through her. He raised his eyes to meet her, pausing, nose and mouth still buried against the burning wetness of her core. She saw only an intensity bordering on devotion, and that was even hotter than the fervid care his tongue was lavishing on her hugely swollen clit, sucking it into her mouth as he held her gaze tightly with his. She gasped against the increasing weight at her throat: “I…I can take more if…” She really didn’t want to ruin this. He didn’t flinch, and moments later she felt a cold shock that must have been the middle finger of his left hand pressing against her entrance. He had never touched her intimately with his left hand before, and seemed to want to avoid it. This felt like something which had been forbidden, too depraved even to think of, and she groaned hard as two long, thick, cold fingers slipped inside her wet, tingling cunt. The groan grew to what would have been a scream had her throat not been constricted, as the fingers began to slip out of her and then in again, achingly slow. His mouth sucked on her hard again, then peeled off her clit to whisper “sssh, you don’t want me to have to squeeze any harder”, as the fingers on his right hand rippled slightly around her throat, beating out a tiny tattoo as he readjusted them a little tighter. Stars sparkled in her eyes. She couldn’t shriek or moan, only pant for as much oxygen as she could draw in. This was so much more than she’d hoped for, ever.

She felt his left thumb detach her swollen clit from his mouth and start rubbing it firmly as his fingers, now meeting a third, pistoned out and into her dripping, stretched cunt. His mouth moved swiftly up her body, bitingly lightly as it went, until he reared over her, his damp tangled hair brushing her cheeks. This time his face wasn’t cold but hot, reddened, wet, sweaty and filled with the emotion it had previously lacked. She realised with a start that her cheeks were wet with no memory of how or when. “Little death” he muttered, almost to himself, pressing his lips to hers to form a seal around her mouth, sucking the breath out of her, pushing it further as he leant his not inconsiderable weight against her chest. She was dizzy with how completely invaded and emptied by him she was, and that was enough to make her crest the wave, choking out a strangled cry as she smashed herself against him, again and again. Every muscle in her body screamed its tension hard and then released her from its grip to float softly on the loosening wave of frankly incredible pleasure in which she was delighted to drown for an eternal moment. She felt him gently disconnect from her body at a remove, aware of the deep sucking breaths her lungs were now demanding but still far from it, the opposite of tense as she gradually felt the veil dissolve, sensation returning to her with gently increasing aches everywhere. His right hand drifted up to stroke her left cheek, thumb smoothing her cheekbone to bring her eyes back into focus on his soft and slightly concerned face.

“Hey. Are you back?”

She cleared her throat and smiled widely back up at him.

“Yeah. I’m good. Like you wouldn’t believe.” She tucked a strand of stringy hair behind his left ear, then curled her fingers behind the ear to pull him in for an open-mouthed kiss, slack, wet and messy. His hands went around her head and back, and the kiss became firmer, deeper, deliciously invasive as their bodies aligned down the front. He pulled back for Serious Business as they both panted heavily.

“This isn’t going to be a ‘how was that for you?’ question, is it now?” She looked up at him with her head tilted, a hint of mock-annoyance tickling the smile at the corner of her mouth.

“I believe it’s called ‘aftercare’ and how am I supposed to know anything if I don’t ask, hm?”

“You have eyes and ears and hmmm…” she trailed her hand suggestively down her chest to his waist and paused, teased.

“Sorry if I like to keep things clear.” He wasn’t sorry but he also wasn’t annoyed, he was smiling in as unguarded a way as she’d ever seen.

“Surely I should be the one asking? How are you doing?”

“I’m good. I’m surprised by how good I am. Thank you.” The intensity behind those two words.

“You. Are. Good.” she ran her tongue lightly over his lips, pulling him closer until they were nose to nose. “You haven’t even taken your pants off though. Take pity on me.”

“Next time?” he smiled, incongruously shy.

“God you’re such a fucking tease it’s ridiculous.”


End file.
